


love is the disease [and the cure]

by RavenReyesWrites



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Angst, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, AsaNoya - Freeform, F/M, Hanahaki Disease, One-Sided Attraction, Unrequited Love, daisuga - Freeform, ennokiyo, hehe angst again, sugakiyo - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-02
Updated: 2020-12-02
Packaged: 2021-03-10 04:28:21
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,205
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27838360
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/RavenReyesWrites/pseuds/RavenReyesWrites
Summary: Kiyoko found out she was already in love with Koushi the same moment she knew that her feelings are unrequited. And that moment came in the form of a sore throat that quickly developed into a hacking cough, but instead of the expected gross green phlegm, she expelled a handful of red rose petals on her white handkerchief.SugaKiyo x Hanahaki Disease
Relationships: Azumane Asahi/Nishinoya Yuu, Sawamura Daichi/Sugawara Koushi, Shimizu Kiyoko & Sugawara Koushi, Shimizu Kiyoko/Sugawara Koushi
Comments: 1
Kudos: 17





	love is the disease [and the cure]

* * *

If there’s anything that Kiyoko takes pride on, aside from her superb and ever dependable managerial skills, it’s that she has a complete grasp and control on her emotions.

She can catch herself before she bursts into laughter at Tanaka and Nishinoya’s antics. Her face remains emotionless despite being disappointed when Sakanoshita’s Store runs out of her favorite _tenmusu._ Her eyes only widened a tad bit when she and the boys went into that haunted train ride that one halloween night when even their captain Tashiro let out a loud yelp when a zombie jumped on the hood. 

But this composure, this _self-restraint_ was easily broken by one Koushi Sugawara.

The moment she laid her eyes on him on her first day as the volleyball team’s manager, she knew he would be someone special. She has had crushes before, but not once did she ever feel this helpless yet at peace. With Koushi, even the mere sound of his chaotic laughter was enough for her chest to literally tighten.

If she will be completely honest, it was Koushi’s kind smile and soothing voice that had caught her attention first. Even during those gruel practice nights, he managed to calm everyone down, even Coach Ikkei, with just a few chosen words of encouragement and that darn wide yet genuine grin of his. He may not be as tall as Asahi nor as muscular as Daichi, but something about his slender build and overall _warm_ aura drew Kiyoko to him.

It didn’t take long for Kiyoko to admit to herself that she was infatuated with him. She didn’t see any issues with it; it’s just a crush anyway, some deep form of admiration that makes itself noticeable whenever Koushi sits beside her and strikes up a conversation with her during their breaks. She had no problem in keeping their talk going, but the more he laughed at her seemingly funny remarks and whenever he laid a gentle hand on her shoulder, she felt her resolve slowly break away.

Kiyoko found out she was already in love with Koushi the same moment she knew that her feelings are unrequited. And that moment came in the form of a sore throat that quickly developed into a hacking cough, but instead of the expected gross green phlegm, she expelled a handful of red rose petals on her white handkerchief.

That night, Kiyoko cried. Both from the apparent one-sidedness of her love for Koushi and the physical pain in her chest as the roots grew deeper in her lungs and airways. 

As weeks went by, her condition grew worse just as she continued to fall deeper for Koushi. She couldn’t count how many times she had to run out of the gym when she couldn’t keep her coughing down, attracting worried looks and concerned queries from the team. She had also stopped joining her three batchmates in their early morning jogs, telling them one morning when they stopped by her house to pick her up that her childhood asthma had made a comeback and the doctor instructed her to avoid physical activities. It pained her to lie to the people she considered her family, but she couldn’t risk letting anyone know that she had contracted the illness from her unreturned feelings for the setter who, ironically, looked the saddest when she told them about her need for extra rest.

It was almost endearing to see Koushi’s downcast eyes when she went back inside her house as the three went on to continue jogging.

Almost.

* * *

The first one who knew, or more like _found_ out about her actual respiratory illness was Ennoshita. It was one of those days when her coughing was so bad as her lungs struggled to expand to let oxygen in because of the deepening roots that she ran out of the gym. She had been gone for too long that Ennoshita volunteered to look for her. As he rounded the corner of the building, the first thing he saw was Kiyoko hunching over with one hand on the wall and the other rubbing her chest as she panted. And by her feet, rose petals in every shade of red pooled.

And Ennoshita just _knew._

Kiyoko froze when she saw him standing there, mouth agape and eyes wide. She followed his gaze and all Kiyoko could do was close her eyes and sigh. There’s simply no explanation, _lie,_ good enough to justify the scene Ennoshita had come across. She knew that _he_ knows.

“A—Are you okay?”

Kiyoko was not really surprised to hear the sincerity and worry in Ennoshita’s voice; she had always known him as the perceptive one among her juniors. She coughed one last time before nodding.

“Y—Yeah. I’ll go back in a minute. You can go ahead, Ennoshita-kun.”

He nodded slowly and started walking back, but his _need_ to complete the puzzle in his mind won his internal argument. 

“It’s Sugawara-san, isn’t it?”

Kiyoko’s breath hitched, but it wasn’t because of another batch of petals escaping her throat. She stared at him, scrambling her mind on how to negate, to _falsify_ his words but she knew the truth was obvious enough on her face.

“Don’t tell anyone.”

He nodded, hoping that it was reassuring enough. Despite how _composed_ Kiyoko looked at that moment, he knew she was panicking about him accidentally finding out about her secret. If the situation was reversed, he wouldn’t be as calm and collected as his senior. 

“So the coughing, all those times you stormed out of practice, the _asthma_ _—”_

“It’s _it.”_

He nodded slowly in understanding, laying his palms on the side of his damp practice shorts just to have something to do. He watched as Kiyoko coughed and sighed softly as more petals fell on the ground. He observed the petals; he could see roses, tulips, daisies, and amidst the colorful hues of the petals, the contrasting brown stems and spikes stood out.

“You must really love him then,” he commented, and at the sight of Kiyoko’s head whipping up and at the confused look on her face, he motioned to the petals on the ground. “Because I can see a few thorns among the flowers.”

Kiyoko’s brows furrowed when he smiled almost sadly. She watched him as he looked from side to side before letting out a cough he had been holding since he got there. And as he expelled tulip petals in every hack, Kiyoko _understood._

“You, too?”

“For 11 weeks now, yeah.”

Kiyoko continued looking at Ennoshita before slowly approaching him. Her gaze focused on the thin trail of blood from his chin and wordlessly, she took out her handkerchief from the pocket of her sweatpants and wiped it away. Ennoshita pulled back a little in surprise, not expecting her actions, but he immediately got over it. He took the piece of cloth from her and gave Kiyoko a pursed smile.

“Who is it?”

“Yuu.”

This time, Kiyoko didn’t bother hiding her surprise. Suddenly, she saw all those post-practice moments between Ennoshita and Nishinoya in a whole new light. How the former seemed to always have inexhaustible patience for the latter and how willing he was to tutor him even when he himself needed more time to study on his own.

“Yours is way worse than mine.”

“Yeah, but I can hide it _way_ better than you, apparently _._ ”

“Apparently, indeed.”

They shared a small chuckle before silence enveloped the pair. After a few moments, Ennoshita looked at the direction of the gym’s entrance and tipped his head towards it. 

“They might be looking for us. Shall we?”

Kiyoko took a deep breath, testing her airways before nodding and following him and walking beside him. No words were exchanged between them but as they neared the door, they asked at the same time.

“How long have you had it?” 

“How many months do you have left?”

They stopped on their tracks at their questions, and before Kiyoko could tell him to ask first, Ennoshita answered her question.

“Next week’s my last week. I—I’m getting the operation on Saturday.”

“So you skipping practice on that day isn’t because of a family event, like you said earlier?”

“Nope. It’s for the surgery. I mean, there’s no way Yuu will fall for me in a few days with Asahi-san in the picture, right? I gotta do this to save my life.”

Kiyoko nodded in understanding, and at Ennoshita’s dejected sigh, she laid what she hoped was a supportive hand on his back. He smiled sincerely before shrugging, and Kiyoko could almost feel the misery he had been hiding for almost three months now.

“I’ve had it for two months now, Ennoshita-kun.”

“What are you planning to do?”

“I… honestly don’t know. He and Daichi are happy together. I… I don’t… I don’t wanna ruin that.”

Whatever Ennoshita was going to respond, it dissolved in his throat as they saw Koushi jump out of the gym in a hurry, almost losing his footing when he saw them just as he got out.

“Oh wow, you’re both here. I was just about to look for you two. Coach has dismissed us for the day.”

Ennoshita smiled gratefully at the setter, but Koushi’s eyes were on Kiyoko who had been looking down on her trainers. Ennoshita followed his stare, and not so subtly, he poked Kiyoko’s arm to get her attention. She looked up, her cheeks tinged red as she forced a small smile at Koushi.

“Yeah. T—Thank you, Suga-san.”

Koushi nodded slowly before looking at the pair back and forth, eyes squinting a bit as a small inkling of suspicion popped in his mind. “Yeah, well, we should go in now and clean. Tashiro-san’s treating us all with meat buns.”

The pair nodded and followed Koushi inside, and as the group did aftercare in the gym, the way Koushi helped Daichi with the net and not so covertly kissed him on the cheek didn’t escape Kiyoko’s eyes. And as she averted her gaze, her eyes immediately locked with Ennoshita who also saw the whole thing. She merely smiled sadly, with the freshman smiling wistfully.

It was all he could do, really. He knew that no words nor any other action could help Kiyoko feel better. He knew exactly what she was feeling at that moment because just a few meters from Daichi and Koushi, Asahi was crouching on the floor with Noya tying his growing hair, and both had matching blushes on their cheeks.

* * *

Kiyoko let out a calming breath as she watched the surgery team prepare around her. Her vision was blurred as she surrendered her glasses to one of the nurses before changing into an operating gown, but she can make out the outline of the instruments on the table right by her waist. Ennoshita had briefed her again and again on what to expect, but still, she couldn’t control her agitation. 

Her parents were supportive, thank God, and they promised to be there in her room once the operation was over and she had woken up from the anesthesia. The thought was calming, yes, but still, she could feel her heart seemingly digging out of her chest as seconds passed by.

She closed her eyes and took another calming breath. She compelled her mind to focus on _why_ she’s doing this, and almost immediately, Koushi’s grinning face invaded her mind. 

  
  


She can sense them, the soft petals, the unmistakable smell of budding sprouts, the vibrant colors of the flowers as she let them out of her system. But at the same time, she can also _feel_ them; the branches, the lengthening vines, the thorns piercing through her lungs and airway as she heaves the flowers out whenever her feelings for Koushi _beg_ to be expressed.

Two years of letting herself fall for him was enough. And loving him for the last ten weeks was the only _feeling_ that made sense to her, but loving him was slowly _killing_ her. 

She reminded herself that she needed to accept the love that has always been there right in front of her, just patiently waiting for her to finally acknowledge them. She got so blinded by the love she had for Koushi that nothing else meant that much to her. 

A tear rolled down her temple and into her hair as it finally dawned unto her. She is saying goodbye not only to her feelings for Koushi, but also to the lightness and calmness that the feeling of love _itself_ had brought unto her. 

At the gentle nudge from the surgeon, she opened her eyes. She knew that he was smiling supportively underneath his mask, as well as the rest of the surgery team who will work on her. And that alone made her feel at ease, more confident in her choice. And with a nod, she closed her eyes again and thought to herself.”

“This time, I’m choosing to love myself. So this is goodbye, Koushi, even if I don’t want it to be.”

And the last thing in Kiyoko’s mind as the anesthesia was pushed into her system was how Koushi was everything she needed and more, but he was and never will be hers to claim.

**Author's Note:**

> My response to J's (@flyhighkoushi) dare to me on Twitter. This is my first time to write something revolving the Hanahaki Disease myth. Special thanks to my tita Hana (@koushiangel) and my beb Annie (@annieeeckls) for enlightening me about the disease. Mahal ko kayong dalawa! Hopefully I can give it justice ^^
> 
> \- K


End file.
